As elders age, family members are frequently involved in providing support and assistance.  This can provoke a wide variety of emotions, including the feeling of being overwhelmed.  However, by knowing and understanding the needs of your elders, you can face the future, whatever it may bring.

You will need to determine what level of care you are able to provide your loved ones.  Remember that many caregiving patterns are passed from one generation to another without question.  You should decide, proactively, whether or not these patterns will work for you.  Should you follow an alternative path that better fits your personal strengths, resources and lifestyle?

It's important to remember that while you, the caregiver, are dealing with these questions, your elders are coping with a variety of their own issues, such as loss of spouse or friends, decreasing abilities, loss of independence, and loneliness.  Allow time for your elders to process the changes in their lives.  Provide them an atmosphere of love and acceptance, and allow them a sense of self-determination as you focus on the tasks involved in caregiving.

Here are several basic tips to help ease life for both you and your loved one(s):

• Plan:  discuss medical, financial and legal arrangements as well as personal preferences before a crisis.
• Ask:  discover the thoughts and ideas of your family members.
• Facilitate:  help the older adult do as much as possible for himself. Remember your other responsibilities and recognize your limitations.
• Learn:  familiarize yourself with available community resources; keep a file of articles and advertisements for services.
• Prioritize:  make a list and determine what could be delegated to others.
• Keep a sense of humor.

Long-distance Caregiving:

Families are now living further apart from each other.  This is difficult because your elders require ever-increasing assistance, yet the distance between you makes it difficult to perform the tasks of a primary caregiver.  There are several ways to help manage long distance caregiving.

• Try to visit as soon as possible to assess the situation.  Take notes of possible problem areas and gather information about senior resources in their area.
• Make sure legal and financial affairs are in place.  Keep copies of important papers and telephone numbers of contacts (Refer to contact forms).
• Plan ahead to have back up family care providers in case you need to make an unexpected visit to your relative.  It is also a good idea to bank some vacation or sick days from work for these visits as well.
• Set up a system of support.  Ask a friend or relative in town to check with your parent on a regular basis.  Be prepared to contact that person to learn of any changes.
• Seek the assistance of a Professional Care Manager specializing in assessing and monitoring the needs of the elderly.
• Consider all the options before moving your relative, but begin talking with them about this possibility.  You could be surprised to learn they are willing to move closer to you, but they never mentioned this for fear of burdening you with their problems.
• Retain a copy of the Yellow Pages that serves your parent's community.  The next time your parent calls and you need to locate resources, you won't need to search out numbers or call information long-distance.